2. PERFECT BOOTY CALL

WHY: The perfect booty call is a creature more mythic and illusive than the Lochness Monster and Santa Claus combined.

While it may seem like an easy task to fill, finding someone with whom you can have great sex on a regular basis with no strings attached is indeed quite tricky. Like all great discoveries, meeting him was purely accidental. I was at a bar with some people I had just met at an Ivy League Christmas party. When a guy motioned for me to join him and his friends I jumped at the chance to ditch the brainiacs. I explained to the gentlemen what I had been doing that evening and one of the guys thought I said “ivory league” and set about referring to the people I was with as the elephant club and inquired about my tusks. I tolerated this ridiculous line of questioning because he had thick suckable lips. He was prematurely gray, but it just made him look sophisticated. He was tall and in a suit and he sat back from his friends with an air of authority.

Several drinks later I asked if I could suck his lips (and other things). He was just passing through town as a traveling salesman so we went back to his hotel. What he had between his legs was like a caricature of a regular penis, too incredibly thick and gorgeous to be of this earth. It was bigger around than my wrist and I struggled to get my mouth around it.

He would pass through town about once a month and we had mind-blowing sex every time. He had a girl in every city and I considered myself lucky to be the Austin girl. I imagined myself part of a special circle of women who would have a monthly encounter with his massive appendage then spend the rest of the month recovering.

He tactfully arranged passionate evenings and his generous expense account meant steak dinners and lots of wine. I felt luxuriously naughty waiting for him in his hotel lobby in a silk dress with no panties on. The anonymity of hotel sex will always be one of my favorite guilty pleasures.