8. SEDUCE A SUBORDINATE

WHY: Because men shouldn’t get to have all the sexual harassment fun.

My friend liked to haughtily refer to me as the U.N., as in my “membership” roster of men was as diverse as the United Nations. New York is a beautifully diverse city, why would I want only white bread when I could have everything from babka to focaccia? I don’t mean overly polished, pampered Euro trash. Instead I would search out the men a little rough around the edges, the ones who had fought battles to get to the United States and were stronger for it. The real men are not riding around in the back of limos then ordering bottle service at Lotus, they’re working construction then catching a beer at a hole in the wall.

During my time in New York I dated men who were: Irish, Jamaican, Dominican, Turkish, German, Mexican, Polish, Italian, and British and had sexy accents to prove they were fresh off the boat. I needed to add a Puerto Rican to the list. Despite the plentitude of Puerto Ricans available in the Bronx, there was only one I wanted. I’ve always liked having work crushes and this man made me melt. He had a sexy scar across his nose. He was one of the superintendents at my company and a man of few words. I looked at him with fuck me eyes every time I saw him, but he did not seem interested.

A coworker decided to take the matter into her own hands. It had never worked for me in grade school, but when she told him she knew somebody who liked him and that that somebody was me, she said he was pleasantly surprised. She made it clear I did not want to date him, I just wanted one thing. I had never solicited someone like this. He could get me fired for sexual harassment.

He started coming by my office for chit chat, which was not his forte. I felt like getting the coworker to reiterate that I wanted only one thing. Months went by and he never called. I imagined he had a long waiting list. Finally I accosted him coming out of work one day and asked him if he wanted to come over. He paused, and then said he needed to go to the barber shop first. Was this like a girl staying home to wash her hair? He said he would call by 4; 4 came and went. I gave up. At 7 he called and said he was headed my way. I filled with nervous antici……….…pation!

When he arrived I nearly melted. He had gone to the barber shop for a shave and was sporting one of those sexy, thin jaw line beards. I offered him beer and wine. He said he only drank liquor, but would have a beer. We sat nervously on my couch having beer after beer and painfully forcing conversation. I asked him about the scar on his face hoping for a heroic battle story, but it was just a childhood accident. He constantly had to duck outside to take phone calls. The seduction cd I prepared had already repeated itself several times. He went to the bathroom and I seized the opportunity to move the activity to the bedroom. He came out of the bathroom and came to me and finally kissed me.

I took off him shirt, yummm! He was solid and smooth mocha. It was rather mechanical, but I got what I wanted. I hoped for a repeat and drunk dialed him once or twice, but sadly my number on the waiting list never came up again.